Bums Should Read My Blog...

Today I was thinking about how hard it must be to be a bum. So I decided to post some advice just in case you ever become one.

The first thing not to do is collect cans and bottles, which is what a lot of bums do. This is a bad idea. It makes you smell since you have to go through people's trash and it makes you have to push around a shopping cart all day long which makes you fall right into the steriotype that most people have of homeless people. It also doesn't even make you that much $$$.

Here is one of the things you can do for money instead.

Get hit by a car. Yes, thats right. Getting hit by a car is an instant ticket to $$$ and free massages. The trick is getting hit and not getting hurt. (If you do get hurt mabey you'll score a place to stay for a couple of days at the hospital)

How do I avoid getting hurt? Easy.

-Make sure the car isn't going that fast.
-Jump right before so you land on the car's hood.
(You might roll over the winshield and go flying, depending on how fast the car is going, but there is still less of a chance for you to get hurt...that bad...)

Before jumping, walking, or running in front of the car, hide behind something.

If a building isn't available like in the picture, a dumpster, van, mailbox, or another car will work. This will make sure the person driving doesn't have time to stop. This also makes sure the person claims that "they didn't see you" which makes it easier for you to collect.

If you notice, there are some other things in the picture that will help you get the maximum amount of $$$

Nice Expensive Car - Self Explanitory

School Zone - If your in a school zone, prefebly around 8-5 when school is in session, people are supposed to drive wicked slow and are supposed to expect kids running out in the streets. This'll roll in $$$ for sure.

Crosswalk - This is the cherry ontop of the sunday. Being on a crosswalk guarenttee's that you'll collect, no matter what. $$$

Make sure you memorize the license plate # in case the car doesn't stop.
Act very very hurt. Say its your back. Why? Because chiropractors will lie for you if you arn't hurt, other doctors won't. The chiropractor most likely will hook you up with a lawyer. Go with it.

This is just one of the things you could do thats legal...sort of... You can probably think of a lot others, good for you, so can I, but I have work to do so I won't have to take my own advice.

(By posting this I am not making fun of homeless people. I actually think it's very sad that people have to live the way they do and I encourage everyone to try and help your local charity organizations, especially with the winter coming.)