If More People Had Guns...

I think this cartoon I drew says it all. Many people are saying the government should ban guns completely, I say they should do the complete opposite and issue everyone a gun. If someone is shooting at you the least you can do is have the ability to shoot back.

Got Projects? Do This Instead...

This week is finals week...and it sucks. Not only do I have all my finals, I have like 8 projects due at the same time which has lead me to seriously consider suicide.

Here is a list of things I would much rather do than read another page in a book...

Tie a rope around my penis and jump from a tree.

Piss on an electric fence.

Be in a room with Michael Jackson.

Just kidding on that last one... I don't hate anything that bad!!!

Bums Should Read My Blog...

Today I was thinking about how hard it must be to be a bum. So I decided to post some advice just in case you ever become one.

The first thing not to do is collect cans and bottles, which is what a lot of bums do. This is a bad idea. It makes you smell since you have to go through people's trash and it makes you have to push around a shopping cart all day long which makes you fall right into the steriotype that most people have of homeless people. It also doesn't even make you that much $$$.

Here is one of the things you can do for money instead.

Get hit by a car. Yes, thats right. Getting hit by a car is an instant ticket to $$$ and free massages. The trick is getting hit and not getting hurt. (If you do get hurt mabey you'll score a place to stay for a couple of days at the hospital)

How do I avoid getting hurt? Easy.

-Make sure the car isn't going that fast.
-Jump right before so you land on the car's hood.
(You might roll over the winshield and go flying, depending on how fast the car is going, but there is still less of a chance for you to get hurt...that bad...)

Before jumping, walking, or running in front of the car, hide behind something.

If a building isn't available like in the picture, a dumpster, van, mailbox, or another car will work. This will make sure the person driving doesn't have time to stop. This also makes sure the person claims that "they didn't see you" which makes it easier for you to collect.

If you notice, there are some other things in the picture that will help you get the maximum amount of $$$

Nice Expensive Car - Self Explanitory

School Zone - If your in a school zone, prefebly around 8-5 when school is in session, people are supposed to drive wicked slow and are supposed to expect kids running out in the streets. This'll roll in $$$ for sure.

Crosswalk - This is the cherry ontop of the sunday. Being on a crosswalk guarenttee's that you'll collect, no matter what. $$$

Make sure you memorize the license plate # in case the car doesn't stop.
Act very very hurt. Say its your back. Why? Because chiropractors will lie for you if you arn't hurt, other doctors won't. The chiropractor most likely will hook you up with a lawyer. Go with it.

This is just one of the things you could do thats legal...sort of... You can probably think of a lot others, good for you, so can I, but I have work to do so I won't have to take my own advice.

(By posting this I am not making fun of homeless people. I actually think it's very sad that people have to live the way they do and I encourage everyone to try and help your local charity organizations, especially with the winter coming.)

Ronald Mcdonald Is An Asshole...

Ronald Mcdonald is the biggest jackass I know. I hate him. He's Enemy No. 1 on my shitlist. As a matter of fact, he's the only person on my shitlist. I created a shitlist just so that I could put him on it. I'm just waiting for the day that McDonalds closes down so I won't have to have a seizure everytime I drive past one of their BRIGHT YELLOW AND RED "restaurants". First of all the food there sucks. Period. I would make a list of the stuff on their menu I don't like but its a lot easier to list the things I can stand:

-The Quater Pounder

-The Salad

That's it.

Their signiture burger, the Big Mac, sucks and they claim that they have the best fries when they clearly do not stand a chance against Burger King's fries.

And so far I've only been talking about the quality of the food...

The McDonalds Corporation is a company full of nothing but assholes. That's what really pisses me off. For example. The onions they put on their burgers...

Guess what Ronald. NOT EVERYONE LIKES ONIONS. He purposely does this to be an asshole though, so you have to get all sloppy and get your fingers all dirty and full of ketchup trying to get the onions out.

What a dick. I bet you Ronald Mcdonald places all of those little onions into the ketchup himself ONE BY ONE with a HUGE asshole smile on his face. Seriously. What makes Ronald think he can do this? Does he really think he can just be an asshole and ignore industry standard? Not anymore! YOU'VE BEEN EXPOSED!!!!

Joke of the Night

So a zebra and a giraffe walk into a bar together.
The giraffe gets so trashed that he passes out on the floor.
The zebra tries to get up and leave, but the bartender stops him and says...
Hey! You can't leave that lyin' around here....
And the zebra says...
Thats not a lion... It's a giraffe!

Hahahahahahahahaha I crack myself up...

And you all thought 9/11 was the only date that was unsafe to travel on... Aparently no 11th is safe. At 8:00 AM on Thursday 3/11, 10 bombs planted at various train stations in Madrid where detonated killing as many as 200 people and injuring at least 1400. Crazy... and to think I was supposed leave for Madrid the very same day and now because of the blasts I am stuck here at least until monday. They charged me $175 dollars to change the flight which sucks...a lot... but it's better then going over there during this mess, not knowing anyone, and staying in a hotel till tuesday which would have probably cost me a lot more.

There's one thing i'm sure about though, my ass is walking EVERYWHERE. I'm not kidding, these talibam people are crazy. I read this tonight on CNN.com quoted from a videotape from Al Qaeda

"This is a response to the crimes that you have caused in the world and specifically in Iraq and in Afghanistan. And there will be more, God willing."

"You love life and we love death which gives you an example of what the prophet Mohammed said that if you do not stop your injustices, the blood will flow more and more, and these attacks will seem very small with what could occur with what you call terrorism."

These people arn't fucking around, an neither am I... this is why I'm taking the following approach for the next 7 weeks while I'm in Spain...

To read the full story on the terrorist attacks go here

http://www.cnn.com/2004/WORLD/europe/03/13/spain.blasts/index.html/